Gerald: Jesse, after all the crimes you and Jessie have committed, and the fact that Jessie has way over 20 criminal points, it is clear as crystal that you cannot be trusted around your kids. They will be taken away from you into foster care... Except... Jessie. She'll stay with me. (Evil smile)
Jessie: Nwo! Pwease! I want stway dwady!
(Gerald drags her out)
Jesse: This... Can't be real.
Mayor McCormick: Gerald will make sure her life is turned around immediately.
(At home Gerald's family are eating a meal but Jessie is refusing to eat)
Jessie: MI HAT GWEEN BEENS!!!!
Gerald: No dessert until you've eaten EVERY. LAST. ONE.
(Jessie screams and Gerald slaps her)
Jessie: Dat hwurt!
Gerald: And I care because...?
Jessie: (bites Gerald and he whips her with a belt)
Gerald: Some good hard discipline should do the trick. Jesse was too soft on her. Now look at her.
(Gerald whips her again)
(The next day)
Gerald: (forces Jessie to eat green beans but she refuses; Gerald whips her again)
Gerald: Bedtime! (Puts Bebe and Butters into the comfiest bed on the market and makes Jessie sleep on a metal bed with no mattress or duvet)
Gerald: All alone. Peace and quiet. (Goes into Butters' room)
Butters: Hi dad!
Gerald: Son, I hope you know why I took in Jessie.
Butters: No. I don't. Why?
Gerald: She needs to learn some discipline and that she can't do whatever she pleases. Anyway, love you, pal. See you in the morning.
(Gerald says the same thing to Bebe)
(At midnight; Gerald is woken up)
Gerald: Argh. Morning already?
Jessie: I'm swo hungwy.
Gerald: Well you should've eaten your green beans.
Jessie: I'm sowwy! Pwease fweed mwe!
Gerald: (gives her a slice of bread)
Jessie: Dis won't fwill me!
Gerald: Too bad!
Jessie: (Opens her mouth to scream but Gerald tapes it shut)
Gerald: I don't get it. What could cause a girl to be so evil?
(The scene cuts to Gerald looking into Jessie's memories)
Ellegaard: Jessie, if you want to get what you want, you have to fight for it. Scream at them or slap them if they say no.
Jessie: Okway mwomy.
Ellegaard: Let's try it. No, you can't have a potato.
Jessie: GWIMME PWOTWATWO!
(Ellegaard feeds her potatoes)
(Gerald erases that memory)
(Gerald feeds her a potato)
Jessie: Fwank you mwister.
Gerald: It worked!
(Gerald takes himself, his wife, his son, and his daughter to a fast food restaurant)
Sharon: You getting a salad?
Gerald: At a fast food place? Get lost. I'm seeing what they have. Don't like soda, can't eat ham, can't eat cheese and meat... mmmmkay. (Ordering) I'll have a number 9, a number 9 large, two number 7s, a number 33 with barbeque sauce, a number 46, and a large lemonade.
Gerald: You're probably wondering why I called you all here. Hell, even revived Ellegaard for this.
Jesse: I know! You wanna raise my salary to 100,000 emeralds!
Gerald: Hell no!
Jessie: Ywou want mwake mwe pwotwatwo!
Gerald: Get lost!
Ellegaard: I know! You wanna marry me!
Gerald: ... Maybe. I'll think about that one. NO! That's not why I called you all here. I, Gerald... (sniff) I have won the lottery. Yes. I have won the lottery. 237 million emeralds, to be exact. And, from the bottom of my heart, I want to say, to all of you... (sniff) F*CK YOU! F*CK YOU! F*CK YOU! F*CK EVERYBODY! F*CK ALL OF YOU! F*CK! F*CK! F*CK! F*CK! HAPPY F*CKSGIVING TO EVERYBODY! YOU CAN HAVE A F*CK! YOU CAN HAVE A F*CK! YOU CAN HAVE A F*CK! And now I'm gonna say why I say f*ck you. (Goes to Jesse) Jesse, this is why I think you deserve the biggest f*ck. First of all I F*CKING HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! ALL YOU DO IS BOTHER ME AND MAKE ME GIVE YOU EXTRA MONEY FOR NO APPARENT REASON! THEN YOU MAKE ME BABYSIT JESSIE BECAUSE YOU WANNA EXPLORE STUFF, BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHEN YOU WANT TO, BUT YOU ALWAYS WANT TO! YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME WASTE VACATIONS WITH FAMILY TO HELP YOUR DAUGHTER! I ALREADY HELPED YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOU MADE ME DO IT AGAIN! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! (Goes to Ellegaard) Okay, I'm gonna go easy on you. First of all, f*ck you, second of all, YOUR INVENTIONS SUCK A**, NO ONE LIKES YOUR INVENTIONS! IN FACT, NO ONE LIKES FIXING FOOD FOR YOU, NO ONE LIKES MARRYING YOU, AND NOBODY LIKES HAVING KIDS WITH YOU! EVERY KID YOU MAKE HAS SOME KIND OF MEDICAL DISORDER! ESPECIALLY THAT LITTLE BASTARD JESSIE OVER THERE! YOU USED TO BE THE BIGGEST A**HOLE IN THE COUNTRY UNTIL MISS BASTARD BEAT YOUR A**! And now I'm gonna go to Jessie. (Goes to Jessie) Whoa-ho. I saved the best for last. Jessie, you get an honorary f*ck you. You get the BIGGEST f*ck you of them all. I F*CKING F*CKING HATE YOU! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A LITTLE CRYBABY BASTARD WHO ALWAYS BOTHERS ME! YOU F*CKING RAPED MY SON, AND ALWAYS TRY TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE! I hate you! I hate you! And I'm not done with you get. EVERYWHERE YOU GO, MASS CHAOS OCCURS! YOU STARTED A F*CKING NUCLEAR WAR YOU LITTLE C*NT! I CAN'T WAIT TO GET RID OF YOU! YOU LITTLE BASTARD! And not only that, YOU BIT MY F*CKING LEG OFF! But don't worry, I will buy a new leg. Maybe I'll buy a robotic arm, TO FLIP YOU OFF WITH, AND SAY F*CK YOU! Okay, thank you for listening!
(Gerald is on a tropical island and has made it a country called Gerald Donovan Island; he is on the news)
Gerald: Jesse, if you're listening: From the guardians and angels of Gerald Donovan Island, I grant you and your daughter an honorary F*CK YOU!
(Gerald unpacks his suitcase and sees Jessie in it)
Gerald: (yells) F*CK F*CK F*CK! WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU BASTARD?
Jessie: I mwiss Bwuttuws.
Gerald: GET OFF THIS ISLAND! YOU ARE BANNED! BANNED! B-A-N-N-E-D! THAT SPELLS BANNED!
Jessie: I will on won cwondwichon.
Gerald: What's that you little c*nt?
Jessie: I gwet to kwiss Butters.
(Sharon, Butters, and Bebe hear a gunshot)
Sharon: Oh, great, he killed himself again.
(Gerald walks out)
Sharon: You respawned fast.
Gerald: That bullet wasn't for me.